Distance makes the heart grow fonder...

Where do I begin? Just breathe I tell myself, just breathe.  This has been the craziest month of my life.  Crazy in an incredibly amazing way, but just crazy! Let's pick up where I left off when I was heading back to Jax to meet the boy I slipped my number too......

Friday night Heidi and I went shopping and kept it real chill. She was on call so we couldn't drink so we just decided to hang out and Dave cooked us dinner and we looked through old photos.  It was a perfect night.  Meantime, Justin (the boy) was texting me asking me what the plans were for Saturday.  He was about an hour north of Jax and wanted me to drive there in the morning and get him and hang out.  Anyone that knows me, knows I'm difficult and at the time this did not sound appealing to me because I just kept telling myself "he lives in California, I won't see him again."  I'm always negative, its a poor quality of mine.  Heidi was on my ass that I have nothing to lose and just give it a shot.  I went to bed with the plans still undecided and wanted to see what the morning would bring me.  Woke up in the morning and we had decided we could meet halfway.  But the timing was all off and by the time he was ready it was almost kick off for the Iowa game and I don't miss Iowa games.  (Thanks for knowing me)  So I was just going to cut my loss once again and say oh well.  We lost that day to Iowa State in triple OT.  My heart was broken.  Justin had texted me to see if I could come after the game but after that loss, the beer had been flowing.  So he decides he still really wants to see me and get to know me, so decides to take a cab from Brunswick GA down to Jacksonville!!! Its about an hour cab ride.  I was shitting my pants I was so nervous.  We got back to the house and I jumped in the shower and chugged lots of water to sober myself up.  Meantime, we had invited our new friends from the Jax Iowa Club over to the house and Heidi was going to make food and we were going to chill at the house and drink and watch football and play games.  We decided to have the cab drop him off at the airport, a mutual meeting place and probably the easiest.  I got there first and saw the cab pull up and I couldn't breathe.  He got out of the cab and it all came rushing back to me how hot he was and why I slipped him my number.  He gave me a hug and said it was so good to see me and he had me right there.  We went back to the house where we had a great time.  Everyone liked him.  Dave and him bonded over the Notre Dame loss and Heidi of course interrogated him for about an hour and he survived and still said he liked her! That's a keeper!  The next day I took him back up to Georgia and we had lunch with a couple of his friends and he took me on base and we just really got to know each other.  He had two more weekends left and wanted me to come back the next weekend but that was my weekend I was going to Iowa for Kalen's walk.  I was sad.  Here was this great guy who came into my life and this was going to the be last time I saw him.  We said goodbye and as he shut the door he said "don't forget about me."   I pulled away from base with my heart completely aching. 

We continued to talk and I made a huge decison.  I cancelled my flight to Iowa to go back and be with him.  All my life I have done everything for my friends and never myself.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing or that I regret living my life that way because I don't at all! It's just who I am and what I do.  But this time I didn't want to look back and wonder "what if" or have the regret of just not driving back to Georgia and taking a chance.  So after explaining my situation to Steph, she agreed I needed to do this for me and it made me feel a lot better.  Everything about Justin and mine's relationship so far had been completely crazy so might as well keep going!  So Friday I took off for Georgia.  It's about a 4 and a half hour car drive.  I got up there and we went out that night with his friends to a Mexican restaurant.  I was nervous to meet his closest friends there but they are all great guys and we all had a blast.  It was also his last weekend there with his friends so I understood spending the time with them as well.  Saturday we woke up and went to Buffalo Wild Wings so I could watch the Iowa game. (I'm slowly trying to turn him into an Iowa fan)  After the game was his class party.  They were having a BBQ with ribs and chicken and playing cornhole and sand volleyball. My kind of party! There were about 30 guys and 4 girls.  Everyone was once again so nice and we had a great time.  After the party we went to the bar on base and watched the fights.  Justin is very affectionate with me and it's nice to have a guy show that he's with me in public and act proud to be with me.  I'm not an affectionate person but he makes me want to be! Sunday we went to St Simon's beach and ate at a really good seafood restaurant and walked the pier.  We came back and watched football and continued to lay there and talk and learn as much as we could about each other.  It really was a perfect day.  We said goobye that night knowing that I would come back Thursday for his graduation on Friday. 

Thursday I headed back to Brunswick where we got a hotel room for the night and went out to dinner at a really good Italian restaurant.  Just the two of us.  It was so nice! We were both so exhausted..me from my long drive due to bad storms and him due to his busy week preparing for graduation.  We woke up early the next morning so I could take him to base and he could prepare for the ceremony.  The ceremony was really awesome and I'm so proud of him and his accomplishment.  As I sat there by myself waiting for him to march in and recieve his badge I just kept thinking to myself "wow, I can't believe I am here and this is happening."  After the ceremony we literally had no time.  He had to pack and I had to get him to the airport in Jax so he could fly home.  My heart was breaking as I sat on his bed watching him put his final belongings into his bag.  We were both so quiet the ride to the airport as we knew what was coming.  "All I do is tell the people I'm closest to goodbye, why do I keep doing this to myself" was pouring through my mind over and over.  I pulled up at the drop-off (we had two other guys with us) regretting the fact I didn't have my sunglasses on because I just wanted to cry.  It was a quick hug and a kiss goodbye "we will see each other soon, I promise" was muttered and I got into the car and pulled away.  Bring on the tears! Thank goodness Heidi and Dave live right there so I could go there and be with her.  Heidi was waiting for me with Budlight and open ears, as I knew she would be.  I cried, and I cried.  My heart was aching because I wasn't ready to see him go and all I wanted to do was spend more time with him.  Heidi said she has NEVER seen me like this and in a way it was so refreshing to see me like this.  I normally bottle in my feelings and have a hard time showing I care.  With him, throw everything out the door with the way I used to be because it has been completely different.  And it all began at a bar and seeing this hot guy and giving him bedroom eyes.  Who would have thought!  I don't know what is going to happen but all I can say I know this is something I am going to try.  I have never felt like this before, especially so quickly and I know it is something that I have to give my all to and see what happens and I know he feels the same way.  He lives in California, I live in Florida.  2,489.8 miles apart.  1 day 15 hours driving.  A three hour time difference in our everyday lives.  And the thing that is crazy, I don't care.  I know this is not going to be easy. It's not going to be easy at all.  But it is not impossible.  He really is an amazing man with such a good head on his shoulders and knows what he wants in life. And on top of that he's athletic, a sports fan, a huge smartass and a shit talker.  My perfect kind of man.  Everyone comes into your life for a reason and I'm so glad we both decided to go to the bar that night (thank you Dave for passing out and to his friends for dragging him out)  Our whole relationship has been a crazy, amazing story so we can't let it stop now! We just need to keep adding chapters.

I know its weird to hear me talk about someone this way because its just so unlike me. I have a problem with just being negative about everything but I'm going to give it my all and be positive.  This is something I want, I really do.  So what's next? I'm planning on going out there in November.  We hope to figure out the dates soon so we can begin a countdown.  And until then thank goodness for technology these days as we will continue to talk and text and skype.  I never do things easy in my life and I don't give up.  I made dinner tonight, chicken and vegetables.  Unfortunately, it was still dinner for one.  But at least now I can pick up my cell phone and know there is someone on the other end that is just as eager to hear from me as I am him.

While you all process all this information let me drop another bomb that is making my heart hurt more.  My poor heart can't take this all!! Heidi and Dave are moving.  Moving to Milwaukee.  I am happy for them because I know they are happy to be moving back closer to their family.  But I am so selfish in the fact I have been with them so much lately and don't want to see them go.  I know distance puts a strain on friendships and I have just gotten so used to having Heidi back in my life all the time! But just like this Justin thing, I will make this work too.  I was going to say goodbye to them on Saturday but I think Heidi knew if I had to go through another goodbye in the same weekend she was going to have to lock me in a crazy home! So fortunately I do have one more weekend with them so this weekend I will be heading back to Jacksonville for the last time (I think I can make the drive with my eyes closed) and we are going to enjoy a weekend on the beach.

Now the question is....how much longer will I be living in Florida? My lease is up in three weeks and the odds of me moving back to Iowa real soon are increasing daily. 

I don't know where my life is going to take me or what is going to happen.  All I can do is take one day at a time and continue to take risks and follow my heart. 

Stay tuned.....

Help Support Kalen!

You know how you become friends with someone and you just know that you will be friends for life? Well that is Stephanie to me.  One of my best friends.  We started to become inseperable in junior high and it hasn't changed to this day.  She is someone I can always pick up the phone and call and someone I always see when I go home.  People come and go out of your lives and there are the select few that stay forever and she is one.  Maybe our mom's had a feeling about us at birth and that is why they both named us Stephanie.  Right from the start we had that bond.  Then we also had the bond of being born 8 days apart. (She is the older one).  So growing up, we liked to have our birthday parties together and our birthday cake would say "Happy Birthday Steph & Steph!"  We went through many milestones together..high school graduation, community college, her wedding, and I was there for the birth of her first child.  Now she has four boys and I couldn't love them anymore if I tried.  Our lifestyles are completely opposite of each other but that's what makes us work.  Life hasn't been the easiest for Steph and her husband but they take what happens to them and build from it and grow.  Having FOUR boys in itself under the age of 6 is just a lot of work, but they make it look pretty damn easy.  I give Stephanie tons of credit because she has always been a girly girl (In softball she would always have makeup all over her jersey) and now she's adjusting to having all boys and even moving to a farm!!  I'm always prepared to hear the boys screaming or crying or demanding something from her when we are trying to have a conversation on the phone, but it just makes me smile.  She went with the "K" theme with her boys.  The oldest is Kaedon, then Kalen, then Krue and the newest addition is Kinnick (yes, Go Hawks).  All spitfires with different personalities.

Now for the serious part and the reason I'm writing about Steph and her family.  The second oldest (Kalen) has chiari malformation.  For those of you that aren't sure what that means....

Chiari Malformation (Arnold-Chiari)  is a serious neurological disorder where the bottom part of the brain, the cerebellum, descends out of the skull and crowds the spinal cord, putting pressure on both the brain and spine and causing many symptoms. 





Kalen is dealing with many symptoms and Steph and Jake are trying their best to get him to the best doctors and to get done what needs to get done to help him.  She was telling me about a doctor in Chicago they are hoping to take him to and she seems really excited about it so that is a good thing! The poor kid is 4 years old and having MRI's done when he shouldn't even know what an MRI is!

They were looking for ways to help or certain things they can do and they came across a Conquer Chiari Walk Across America.    It is an annual fundraising event that consists of series of local walks on the same day.   The walk is next weekend (September 17th) and I am flying home for it because of course I wouldn't miss it for the world.  The goal is to all raise money for this event that goes towards the research for chiari malformation and helping people, just like Kalen.  Anyone can make a donation, even if you aren't doing the walk.  So if you are reading this and are feeling charitable, please make a donation! It's so easy to do...just go to this website http://www.conquerchiari.org/index.htm and once you are there, on the right hand side click sponsor a walker.  The location is Iowa, Burlington then scroll through until you see my name-Stephanie Smith.  Any donation would mean the world to me and of course to the Maine's!







With the Maine's (I'm holding Kalen in the middle and Kinnick wasn't born yet



Have a great weekend!!!!!  I am going back to Jacksonville tomorrow so we will see what this weekend has in store for me.  :)

California Dreamin'

It hasn't even been a week and I'm back at it! So far, I'm improving at this! :)

It has been one heck of a week for me! I think the angel of dating was looking over my shoulder for the first time in a LONG time! My horoscope told me to enjoy my popularity...and boy am I ever!  It started off last Wednesday.  My friend Courtney called me to go have a drink for her birthday.  And after the work week I had been having, a drink couldn't have sounded any better. I never go out on a work night either.  We went out in South Tampa, a place I don't frequently visit and it was hopping with men! On a Wednesday night! So I'm thinking to myself "Oh great, this place is filled with young college boys who are going to get drunk and skip class in the morning"  (been there, done that)  Courtney and I were sitting there having a beer and I was throwing myself a pity party.  I don't know if she so much wanted to attend that party, but she did.  "What is wrong with me that guys don't hit on me? Why doesn't anyone date me? Why have I not been on a date since I have lived here?" etc...  None of my friends really know these answers and I sure wish they did.  I don't know if I'm just not approachable or what my deal is.  But I am going to figure it out.     Anyways, we went to a couple different bars to check out the different scenery.  We went and sat at the bar and ordered two budlights.  We were sitting there talking and out of nowhere, this hot guy comes and stands right next me.  And he started conversation.  This does not normally happen with good looking guys.
Hot Guy (HG): Hey were you just at MacDinton's?
Me: yah we just had a beer there.
HG: Well my name is Mike
Me: Hey I'm Stephanie.
HG: What are you girls up to?
Me: we are out celebrating her birthday.  She turned 22 today.
HG: oh wow that's young.
Me: (thinking in my mind..SCORE) good answer because I feel especially old.
HG: well I would love to take you out sometime.
Me: Definitely, here's my number.

So he sat next to me and had a beer and we talked forever.  Meanwhile, his friend swooped in and kept Court occupied.  (Good wingman)   Here's the kicker..of course there is always a kicker.  He lives in CALIFORNIA.  He's a real estate agent and owns a house here in Tampa so he thinks he is going to move here.  He was flying out the following day.  He texted me the  next day and told me he will be back in two weeks and wants to hang out with me then.  So we will see.  Just. My. Luck.

Friday I slept in and got ready for Jax.  The three hour drive turned into 4 and a half because this genius decided to leave when I would hit Orlando at rush hour.  Smooth.  But I had my tunes and rocked out and I really didn't mind that much. We kept it chill Friday night.  Ordered pizza, drank a few beers, skyped with Britt and of course I played some NCAA with Dave. 
Woke up Saturday, took a shower, threw on my jersey and painted my nails black.  Of course! We were all three pumped for the game and decided we would go to the Ale House to watch it because it had a nice outdoor patio.  We picked the perfect spot and talked the waiter into letting us get the sound switched to the Iowa game. Boom.  Next thing we know, two Iowa fans are walking up! We were so excited and of course asked them to join our party.  They were really cool too.  Then next thing we know, two more!! Then two more! We had ourselves a great time and they were all really fun to hang with.  That bar sure knew when Iowa scored!! After a mid-game rain delay and dominating performance..Iowa won! GO HAWKS!

After the Iowa game it was the USF/Notre Dame game.  Dave is a huge Notre Dame fan so we had to stick around and watch it.  Which just meant more buckets of beer! USF pulled the upset and after the game Dave was starting to pull the one eye look to see the tv, so we knew it was time to go home.  Got home and he fell right asleep.  We didn't want the party to stop so I took a shower, we changed and got ready to go right back out! We didn't want to wake Dave or let him know we were heading back out..so Heidi wrote a note and literally laid it on his chest and we basically crawled out of the house on our hands and knees so he wouldn't see us! Success.  She took me to a bar I had never been and we switched it up to raspberry vodka and club soda (thanks Michelle) and hit the dance floor.  We saw a guy all decked out in Iowa gear so we had to approach him, naturally.  He is in the airforce and lives down in Jax for the time being.  He seemed cool at first and then quickly turned into a stage 5 clinger.  We talked to him for awhile longer because he was then buying our drinks but the longer we talked to him the more we realized we needed to ditch him.  The guy basically told me he was in love with me and I'm too perfect of a girl to let walk away.  Then he was confessing his love for me to Heidi.  Hello dude, you have known me for 10 minutes.  We would go to the bathroom and come back and try to lose him in the crowd and he would just appear again.  We went back to the bar for another drink when I spotted this hot guy! Normally I'm the shy girl who just sits back and think wow he was hot and nothing happens.  Michelle and Jess have tried to teach me "bedroom eyes"  Basically if I see something I want I need to give him that look and I will get it.  I just need to have the confidence in my stare.  And confidence I lack so therefore these "bedroom eyes" don't work for me and I never try it anyways.  Well this time was different.  I gave him a look and he smiled and I smiled and we just kept doing it to each other from across the bar for awhile.  Flirting with our eyes!  Stage 5 clinger wouldn't shutup and I was scared he was going to blow this for me so Heidi had a brilliant idea to go to the bathroom and come back and pretend to be sick.  We got into the bathroom and I told Heidi about my eye flirt fest! I told her I needed some paper and so she started digging through her purse. If you know Heidi then you know her wallet is FULL of reciepts so she handed me a reciept and I flipped it over and wrote my number on the back of it.  I told her I couldn't leave til I saw this guy again and the bar was PACKED.  We went back to the dance floor, no clinger in sight and finally found my hottie again. Made the eye contact and he came right up and started dancing.  No words were said, it was loud as hell in that club.  All of a sudden I could feel these eyes and there was the clinger and Heidi saw it too and said we had to go.  So I grabbed that guys hand and slipped my number in it and left.  I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE! We didn't even have a conversation! I just went with it.  We made it safely out of the bar and home without the creepy guy following.  And I thought Iowa guys were supposed to be awesome! haha.  Anyways, I forgot my phone charger in Tampa so I had to plug in my phone to my car charger over night.  I got my phone in the morning and the hottie had texted me! He told me he was name was Justin and he was just checking to see if I made it home ok.  This was Sunday morning and it is now Tuesday night and we haven't stopped texting since.  Here's the kicker..and yes in my life, there is always a kicker.  He lives in CALIFORNIA! Are you kidding me? Two guys from California in one week?!?! What the hell! He is down here in Brunswick GA in the federal officer academy.  (Its about 40 minutes from Jax so him and his buddies decided to hit up Jax for the night, his first time at that bar too)  He only has three weeks left then he goes back home.  Just. My. Luck. Again.    He wants to hang out this weekend so I'm going to head back up to Jax and just do it. You only live once right? I can watch the Iowa/Iowa State game with Heidi and Dave and this guy is a big Notre Dame fan like Dave so who knows if he will want to hang out with us or what will happen.  I'm not a planner, I just always go with the flow so we will see.  So as of right now, I am going to go back this weekend and see this guy.  Before he moves back to CALIFORNIA.  Of course.  I don't know what it is with me and guys from California. (yes penpal, this does include you) :)

All in all it was a great weekend and my aunt and uncle came down to Tampa from Orlando, so on Sunday night and Monday I got to hang out with them.  Now it is a three day work week (well technically two now) then the weekend again!!! Gotta love having Fridays off!

I figured I would end this blog with a little urbandictionary.com "bedroom eyes"

1.That sensual seductive-looking glance that you (whether you are male or female) express when you are in a mood for something romantic and/or sexual

2.eyes that are big, dreamy, sultry, bold, and seductive, and are so beautiful that when someone looks into them, they get lost inside

My friends are the best teachers.