Friday night Heidi and I went shopping and kept it real chill. She was on call so we couldn't drink so we just decided to hang out and Dave cooked us dinner and we looked through old photos. It was a perfect night. Meantime, Justin (the boy) was texting me asking me what the plans were for Saturday. He was about an hour north of Jax and wanted me to drive there in the morning and get him and hang out. Anyone that knows me, knows I'm difficult and at the time this did not sound appealing to me because I just kept telling myself "he lives in California, I won't see him again." I'm always negative, its a poor quality of mine. Heidi was on my ass that I have nothing to lose and just give it a shot. I went to bed with the plans still undecided and wanted to see what the morning would bring me. Woke up in the morning and we had decided we could meet halfway. But the timing was all off and by the time he was ready it was almost kick off for the Iowa game and I don't miss Iowa games. (Thanks for knowing me) So I was just going to cut my loss once again and say oh well. We lost that day to Iowa State in triple OT. My heart was broken. Justin had texted me to see if I could come after the game but after that loss, the beer had been flowing. So he decides he still really wants to see me and get to know me, so decides to take a cab from Brunswick GA down to Jacksonville!!! Its about an hour cab ride. I was shitting my pants I was so nervous. We got back to the house and I jumped in the shower and chugged lots of water to sober myself up. Meantime, we had invited our new friends from the Jax Iowa Club over to the house and Heidi was going to make food and we were going to chill at the house and drink and watch football and play games. We decided to have the cab drop him off at the airport, a mutual meeting place and probably the easiest. I got there first and saw the cab pull up and I couldn't breathe. He got out of the cab and it all came rushing back to me how hot he was and why I slipped him my number. He gave me a hug and said it was so good to see me and he had me right there. We went back to the house where we had a great time. Everyone liked him. Dave and him bonded over the Notre Dame loss and Heidi of course interrogated him for about an hour and he survived and still said he liked her! That's a keeper! The next day I took him back up to Georgia and we had lunch with a couple of his friends and he took me on base and we just really got to know each other. He had two more weekends left and wanted me to come back the next weekend but that was my weekend I was going to Iowa for Kalen's walk. I was sad. Here was this great guy who came into my life and this was going to the be last time I saw him. We said goodbye and as he shut the door he said "don't forget about me." I pulled away from base with my heart completely aching.
We continued to talk and I made a huge decison. I cancelled my flight to Iowa to go back and be with him. All my life I have done everything for my friends and never myself. I'm not saying that's a bad thing or that I regret living my life that way because I don't at all! It's just who I am and what I do. But this time I didn't want to look back and wonder "what if" or have the regret of just not driving back to Georgia and taking a chance. So after explaining my situation to Steph, she agreed I needed to do this for me and it made me feel a lot better. Everything about Justin and mine's relationship so far had been completely crazy so might as well keep going! So Friday I took off for Georgia. It's about a 4 and a half hour car drive. I got up there and we went out that night with his friends to a Mexican restaurant. I was nervous to meet his closest friends there but they are all great guys and we all had a blast. It was also his last weekend there with his friends so I understood spending the time with them as well. Saturday we woke up and went to Buffalo Wild Wings so I could watch the Iowa game. (I'm slowly trying to turn him into an Iowa fan) After the game was his class party. They were having a BBQ with ribs and chicken and playing cornhole and sand volleyball. My kind of party! There were about 30 guys and 4 girls. Everyone was once again so nice and we had a great time. After the party we went to the bar on base and watched the fights. Justin is very affectionate with me and it's nice to have a guy show that he's with me in public and act proud to be with me. I'm not an affectionate person but he makes me want to be! Sunday we went to St Simon's beach and ate at a really good seafood restaurant and walked the pier. We came back and watched football and continued to lay there and talk and learn as much as we could about each other. It really was a perfect day. We said goobye that night knowing that I would come back Thursday for his graduation on Friday. 
Thursday I headed back to Brunswick where we got a hotel room for the night and went out to dinner at a really good Italian restaurant. Just the two of us. It was so nice! We were both so exhausted..me from my long drive due to bad storms and him due to his busy week preparing for graduation. We woke up early the next morning so I could take him to base and he could prepare for the ceremony. The ceremony was really awesome and I'm so proud of him and his accomplishment. As I sat there by myself waiting for him to march in and recieve his badge I just kept thinking to myself "wow, I can't believe I am here and this is happening." After the ceremony we literally had no time. He had to pack and I had to get him to the airport in Jax so he could fly home. My heart was breaking as I sat on his bed watching him put his final belongings into his bag. We were both so quiet the ride to the airport as we knew what was coming. "All I do is tell the people I'm closest to goodbye, why do I keep doing this to myself" was pouring through my mind over and over. I pulled up at the drop-off (we had two other guys with us) regretting the fact I didn't have my sunglasses on because I just wanted to cry. It was a quick hug and a kiss goodbye "we will see each other soon, I promise" was muttered and I got into the car and pulled away. Bring on the tears! Thank goodness Heidi and Dave live right there so I could go there and be with her. Heidi was waiting for me with Budlight and open ears, as I knew she would be. I cried, and I cried. My heart was aching because I wasn't ready to see him go and all I wanted to do was spend more time with him. Heidi said she has NEVER seen me like this and in a way it was so refreshing to see me like this. I normally bottle in my feelings and have a hard time showing I care. With him, throw everything out the door with the way I used to be because it has been completely different. And it all began at a bar and seeing this hot guy and giving him bedroom eyes. Who would have thought! I don't know what is going to happen but all I can say I know this is something I am going to try. I have never felt like this before, especially so quickly and I know it is something that I have to give my all to and see what happens and I know he feels the same way. He lives in California, I live in Florida. 2,489.8 miles apart. 1 day 15 hours driving. A three hour time difference in our everyday lives. And the thing that is crazy, I don't care. I know this is not going to be easy. It's not going to be easy at all. But it is not impossible. He really is an amazing man with such a good head on his shoulders and knows what he wants in life. And on top of that he's athletic, a sports fan, a huge smartass and a shit talker. My perfect kind of man. Everyone comes into your life for a reason and I'm so glad we both decided to go to the bar that night (thank you Dave for passing out and to his friends for dragging him out) Our whole relationship has been a crazy, amazing story so we can't let it stop now! We just need to keep adding chapters.
I know its weird to hear me talk about someone this way because its just so unlike me. I have a problem with just being negative about everything but I'm going to give it my all and be positive. This is something I want, I really do. So what's next? I'm planning on going out there in November. We hope to figure out the dates soon so we can begin a countdown. And until then thank goodness for technology these days as we will continue to talk and text and skype. I never do things easy in my life and I don't give up. I made dinner tonight, chicken and vegetables. Unfortunately, it was still dinner for one. But at least now I can pick up my cell phone and know there is someone on the other end that is just as eager to hear from me as I am him.
While you all process all this information let me drop another bomb that is making my heart hurt more. My poor heart can't take this all!! Heidi and Dave are moving. Moving to Milwaukee. I am happy for them because I know they are happy to be moving back closer to their family. But I am so selfish in the fact I have been with them so much lately and don't want to see them go. I know distance puts a strain on friendships and I have just gotten so used to having Heidi back in my life all the time! But just like this Justin thing, I will make this work too. I was going to say goodbye to them on Saturday but I think Heidi knew if I had to go through another goodbye in the same weekend she was going to have to lock me in a crazy home! So fortunately I do have one more weekend with them so this weekend I will be heading back to Jacksonville for the last time (I think I can make the drive with my eyes closed) and we are going to enjoy a weekend on the beach.
Now the question is....how much longer will I be living in Florida? My lease is up in three weeks and the odds of me moving back to Iowa real soon are increasing daily.
I don't know where my life is going to take me or what is going to happen. All I can do is take one day at a time and continue to take risks and follow my heart.
Stay tuned.....
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